I hated that thought. I was a creative after all. At least that’s how I saw myself. But the reality was that since I moved up the career ladder my day-to-day business was everything but creative. I remember the moment when my mentor asked me if I was sure that I wanted to take on that management position. At that time it was the only path I could see to move forward. Looking back now I’m happy that I made that experience so early in my life.
As I quit my job, I asked myself why I lost the joy to create:
Here I was, feeling so disconnected from my passion.
It took me some time to wake up, seeing that the life I sold myself to, wasn't a life as my true self, it was only a life doing something I was good at. While I was so obsessed in my twenties to find a profession, be productive and build a career, I had left the details of the rest of my life unaddressed.
I started to dig deeper. At least that's (again at that time) what I thought. After months of research for do you – boy, was I good at researching and looking for answers on the outside – I had another big aha moment:
How the hell would I find answers to my very personal questions by constantly consuming third-party-opinions, ideas, stories, products, lives? By consuming how others created their dream life on a daily basis I gave away my time, my focus and my energy to them. That hit hard. Why would I do that?
I limited binging Netflix, scrolling through Instagram and unsubscribed from the endless newsletter I'd find in my inbox daily. I stopped asking others for advice for do you. I wanted my joy of creating back so desperately that I was willing to do anything. I prioritized playfulness and even rest. This process didn't always feel logical. And as much as I wanted it to be fun, I had to discipline myself doing things that nourish me. Building new habits takes time (probably your whole life) and at some point you think you'll never get there (I still do). But once I had cleared my vessel by changing my diet, regularly disconnecting from the vast amounts of content I consumed and further deprogramming the thoughts I was thinking, I started to hear my inner voice again. Ever since I'm not only discovering new ways of creating that are aligned with the version of myself I'm that day, but getting to know and love myself better.
I’ve literally started to write this text to save myself from another 20 minutes on Instagram. And even if this is just a tiny little message, no award-honored-book-material, that reaches one of you out there – I showed up for myself.
The only problem is that showing up for yourself doesn't necessarily looks the same every day. The only way to find out what you need on that certain day, is to open up the conversation with yourself. And sometimes the answers you'll find won't make you happy. For me the hardest truth I came across was that we're simply not here to create every day. We're no machines – we're human beings. I had to disconnect the meaning I associated with creating and consuming. It's not good and bad. It's not neither nor.
But what I know for sure is that I’m done theoretically creating in my head, being afraid to be judged while watching others live my dream life. Doing things that I know are not good for me won't bring me anywhere. Avoiding the things that actually make me happy neither. I’m ready to live the life I feel called to live… You too?
P.S. As I finished writing this newsletter, I put on the show On the Verge on Netflix. Ironic, right? But I found out on this journey that in my dream life there's also space for entertainment, stories, movies and books. When you're starting to create from within your vortex with intention, you consume with intention. So I've this new thing that for every series/ movie I watch, I take down quick notes on what I learned, what I liked/ didn't like, how it made me feel, what memories it brought up. And it's so much fun, because I get to take what I consume and make something myself out of it.
Tune Into Your Vortex - Abraham Hicks Daily
Do your daily activities put your life into a direction that truly feels good?
How often do you find yourself multi-tasking, not being present in the moment? And how often does that really work out for you?
When was the last time that you did something just for fun?
What are you looking for when you open a social media app? And do you actually find it?
Name one little thing that can you do today that will bring you closer to yourself and the life you desire?
What are places and activities where ideas come to you naturally?
Do you take the time to learn new things?
So Hum Meditation led by Michaela Aue
Receiving Life in Open, Awake Awareness Meditation led by Tara Brach
Feel Good Vibes Playlist by Mimi Bouchard
On becoming you Playlist by me☺️
Working with your hands and the Clay Kits by Viola Beuscher
Baking something from the Natural Sweets baking book by Eileen Pesarini
Dancing in this Elevate Session with Jenna Zoe
Making a smoothies with The Muse Adaptogen by LA Cold Press to enhance cognitive functioning of the brain
Super Attractor by Gabrielle Bernstein
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
I don't make things happen, I let things happen.
I'm creating from the heart, not from the mind.
I'm taking aligned actions. I know that one aligned action is so much more powerful than 10 unaligned action items.
I redefine success in a way that I deeply know that I only need to have fun and take really good care of myself. I'm no longer willing to treat myself and let others treat me like a machine.