Dare yourself to be happy
These past weeks as I'm trying to befriend myself with the concept of time, I also dare myself to be happy,

Will I ever be happy if I continue to wake up and have a look on my phone, read messages and newsletters and scroll though Instagram?

Will I ever take my business seriously if I continue to treat it like a hobby? (Side note: this is a tricky one. Yes I want my business to be a serious business and yet I want it very much to feel like a fun hobby, a project I made as a teenager and that I get to continuously create every day)

Will I ever be able to show myself my love and support and trust if I continue to not make space to connect with myself?

Will I ever take up space if I continue to tip toe around, show consideration for others instead of myself?

Will I ever start into the day with intention if I continue to walk around the house and tidy up or wash clothes?

I'm questioning everything - but myself.

I read on Jenna Zoë's account about the three most powerful and valuable assets we have: intention, attention and action.

I've told you about the things I wanted to commit to in April in my last newsletter – truth is it's not easy. Building new habits is more than writing down what you want to commit to. Achieving these habits works best if implemented step by step and not all of them at the same time. I know that and yet I demand myself to be able to do it. To change everything there is. The question is can we force anything? Letting go feels like failing. And probably that's why its not working for me. Where do we draw the line between discipline, commitment and trust? I've written about it many times before. But that doesn't assure that I finally understood it.

I think my writing practice never has a goal. Sometimes theres an answer, a revelation. And often I just question it being truly helpful? Isn't writing just overthinking on paper? Shouldn't I be whispered words of wisdom by my guardian angel, a download that I'm here to share? I had days like this, when it happened but now it feels like a far away dream. I'm trying to recreate a feeling, a feeling of knowing. When the feeling I'm after was created out of not-knowing.

The discipline part scares me, it's what I think how others want me to do things. And yet I didn't let go of it, I ignored it and that clearly didn't help.

So I wrote down what my 3 priorities are for this year and clustered my home with post its about them, reminding and asking me if my intention, attention and action are truly aligned with them. One of my priorities is freedom, maybe that's also why I don't want templates, frame works created by others to help me, because personally for me they don't, they are just an example that someone had to create them on their journey. (That's 100% the manifestor talking inside of me) And they will find likeminded along their way, as I found you. But I want you to take what resonates with you from my writing.

To give you a taste what I do in my free time. Here's what I newly discovered in fashion: Pyjama Sets by Cosabella, Rationalle - a brand that feels very much like Paloma Wool and who doesn't love Paloma Wool?, Unaffordable master pieces by The Mannei, the perfect basic t-shirt by The Slow Label, beautiful suits by Floria, Shona Joy - a mix between Ulla Johnson and Isabel Marant.

Here's what else I discovered: The new digital Public Library by Phoebe Lovatt, Dada Days via my dear friend Pia and Within Mood glasses via my sister.

And to make it short, because I know you have something very important to do on your to-do list next that hopefully is filled with intention.

Maybe the answer for my writing practice is the energy my words transport. At least that's what I hope for. I'll write more on becoming your own authority in my next newsletter. I promise it won't take another two months. (Spoiler: It took more than 6 months)